Metamorphosis: Episode 11
Spiralling
Gurpreet was sitting on his bed in his apartment, alone. Lee had been trying to reach him so that they could go eat at Togo's and then head out for their usual routine of beers and partying. He had called several times and left three voicemail messages. But Gurpreet wasn't answering the phone. When it started buzzing again, he turned it off and turned to his side, pulling the covers over him. He felt like he just wanted to curl up into a ball and fall asleep and disappear from the world.
He sighed. The joy seemed to have gone out of life. Whereas before, there was vibrant color, thrilling ecstasy and excitement, now everything seemed dull and boring, like a silent black & white film on slow motion. Gurpreet couldn't even figure out what had gone wrong. He just knew he felt terrible, and he wanted this feeling of despair and hopeless to just leave him. But he didn't know how to get rid of it. It seemed to have invaded his entire life, and now it was all over him.
Tears rolled down his face. He reached for the phone, wanting to hear his mothers voice. But then he pulled his hand back, remembering how rudely he had talked to her. Pangs of regret stabbed him in the chest painfully as he realized how much he must have hurt her feelings. This only made him feel even worse. He buried his face in his pillow and sobbed uncontrollably.
He was late to class the next day. Michael was seated three rows from the back, a very unusual spot for him as he was usually seated at the front of the class. He had saved an empty seat next to him, and when Gurpreet walked in he waved him over. Not wanting to attract too much attention from the other students or the instructor, Gurpreet quietly and quickly walked to the empty seat and sat down.
"How you doing?" Michael asked in a whisper.
Gurpreet shrugged. "Okay, I guess," he replied, opening his textbook. The instructor was delivering his lecture, some students were taking notes, others following along in the textbook, and a few listening with concentration.
"Everything ok? You don't look so good," Michael appeared concerned.
"Yea, it's just," Gurpreet hesitated, "I dunno. I just— I guess I'm not feeling so great."
"It's alright," Michael said reassuringly, "Hey, if you don't have any classes after this, let's go to the student activities center, we can talk there."
"I dunno," Gurpreet seemed reluctant.
"It will help, I promise," Michael smiled with such confidence that Gurpreet felt a glimmer of hope.
"Okay," he relented, nodding. "Sure."
The student activities center was still quiet at this time in the morning, and they had no problem finding a place to sit. They were up on the balcony, and could look down at the large wide hallway and observe people as they entered and exited the building. Gurpreet and Michael sat opposite each other on wooden chairs, with a small wooden table between them.
"I know it's been a difficult time," Michael said, "life can be bewildering sometimes."
Gurpreet nodded. It was quiet, there were not many people walking around, and there seemed to be a sense of confidentiality, privacy. Michael seemed more than willing to talk and listen, and so Gurpreet felt like he could confide in him, at least to an extent.
"It's just that I've started feeling sort of down," Gurpreet said, "Kind of like, I don't enjoy the things that I used to, you know?"
Michael nodded.
"And nothing gives me joy anymore. I don't feel like hanging out with my friends, I don't feel like going out, I just wanna go home and sleep. I think I'm in depression!"
"There is only one way out," Michael spoke like a doctor giving a prognosis. "Otherwise, you will only remain trapped like this, and it will get worse."
"What's the way out?"
"Gurpreet, you must accept Jesus into your heart, and profess with your heart and mind that you are a sinner and that you need God's help. Be willing to turn away from sin and repent, believe that Jesus Christ died for you, was buried, and rose from the dead, and through prayer, if you invite Jesus into your heart to become your personal Lord and Savior, then you will be saved."
"I dunno," Gurpreet winced, feeling very awkward and uncomfortable. "Will this really solve my depression problem?"
"Yes," Michael said convincingly. "It will."
Gurpreet looked down at the hallway below, conflicted. For a long while, he remained silent. Finally, Michael said, "Gurpreet, if you're not ready right now, that's alright. If you prefer, we can pray? This will help you, I promise."
Gurpreet nodded, relieved that the pressure of having to make an immediate choice was somewhat alleviated.
They held hands and bowed their heads, and Michael began the prayer, "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name . . ."
When Sidhak walked into the Gurudwara, a faint hint of a smile played upon her lips. She stood before the Guru Granth Sahib, head bowed and hands together in supplication, and whispered humble words of heartfelt gratitude. "You have protected me and saved me. You have confirmed your nature. Thank You."
Later, when the langar had been served and she was sitting for tea, she was surrounded by a large group of sangat, offering moral support or other kind of material assistance. She felt overwhelmed by the willingness of everyone to help.
"Thank you," she said, looking around at all the earnest faces, "you are all very kind for offering to help."
"You just tell us what you need," one of the ladies said, "and we'll take care of it."
"Actually, the matter has already been resolved," Sidhak replied happily.
"What happened? Will you be able to stay in the program now?"
Sidhak nodded. "Yes. I was able to get legal representation. A lawyer took the case and talked with the college. He basically told them that they had to prove the allegations before they could think about removing me from the pre-med program."
"What did they do?"
"At first they refused, like they had done to me. But he talked with them and explained the legal obligations they have, and finally they talked. In the end, it turns out, they were not able to produce satisfactory enough evidence, and they cannot remove a student from the program based on those grounds. They need solid proof, which they don't have."
There was a collective sigh of relief among all those gathered.
"That's so wonderful news," people were coming up to Sidhak and hugging her, there were smiles all around. Seemingly out of nowhere, ladoo's appeared. The good news was celebrated and the mood instantly lifted to a more jovial and happy one.
"It is all Guru Sahib’s kirpa," Sidhak said, and everyone nodded and agreed, echoing her sentiments with exclamations of "Vaheguru!"