Metamorphosis: Episode 12
Metamorphosis
It had been a long while since Lee had gone out drinking with Gurpreet. He didn't know how many days exactly, but it felt like a long time. He had lost count of the days. Their usual routine was broken, and he missed it. He missed the familiarity of knowing what he would be doing, of chatting with Gurpreet, and the beer. He missed the feeling of numbing his mind and losing himself in the blur of bars and alcohol and women. But all that seemed to be a very distant memory now, one that seemed to be fading fast. He vaguely remembered the days and the feeling of enjoyment he used to get from these activities.
He didn't know where he was, exactly. He knew he was on campus, inside one of the buildings. But he had no idea where. His brain was not registering these small details. He was lost in his thoughts, which seemed to have gotten stuck in a logjam. And so he wandered the halls in a daze, his fingers lightly tracing the walls as he slowly meandered this way and that. He didn't know where he was going, he just kept walking.
It was 11 a.m. and he had just returned from the doctors office. This was the checkup that he had been postponing, the one he didn't want to schedule, the one he claimed was a waste of time. The reality was that he had been afraid. This was the checkup that he had been dreading. And now he realized that he had good reason to fear. His doctor had diagnosed him with stage IV lung cancer. He had perhaps four more months to live, probably less, due to his lifestyle choices. The news had stunned him, and he still couldn't quite believe it. Since returning from the doctors office, he had just wandered the halls of the buildings on campus, lost in his own trance. He just kept walking the halls with that distant, far-away look in his eyes. Classes would begin and end, and students would leave their classrooms and hurry to their next class. No one spared him a second glance. He just kept wandering. He was missing all his classes. But his mind was focused on the cancer, and on the bitter fact that soon, he would be dead.
Sidhak was in the student activities center, sitting with Megan in the small coffee shop in the corner of the second floor. It had been several months since Megan's initial visit to the Gurudwara with Sidhak. They had started meeting regularly since then, and now Megan would go with Sidhak to the Gurudwara every week, and also accompany her to the Sisters of Mercy and the hospital visits. Megan befriended the patients at the hospital easily and they soon started anticipating her visits eagerly. Her warm demeanor and the way she immediately connected with them made them feel loved and cared for.
"I feel like a whole new world has opened up to me," Megan explained, as they sipped their coffee and hot chocolate.
"It is a different lifestyle, for sure," Sidhak nodded, "it goes against the grain of the popular culture. It's not popular, but it's the only thing that I found to be fulfilling."
It was time for class again. They finished their hot drinks and stood up to leave.
"Oh, I just remembered," Megan took the gutka out from her purse, still wrapped carefully in the soft light pink cloth cover. "It's the Nitnem gutka from Dhillon Aunty. I have learned the pronunciation now. And I guess I won't be needing this gutka anymore."
Sidhak smiled knowingly as she received the gutka with both hands. She hugged Megan.
"Congratulations!" she whispered, unable to contain her joy.
Gurpreet was walking out of class with Michael Nesmith in tow. Michael was asking him if he would like to meet with his Bible study group.
"It's right here on campus," he was explaining, "we meet three times a week, if there's mid-term's or finals then we change the schedule to once a week. But we always meet every weekend also."
"I dunno," Gurpreet wished Michael would leave him alone, but didn't know how to get away without being impolite.
"I'll be there. You don't even have to say anything, you can just sit and listen."
"It doesn't seem like I would be right for it."
"But you are right for it, and you are ready," Michael's voice was much more serious now, "when you have the chance, you should go for it."
They stopped in the middle of the busy hallway, with students walking hurriedly past them, heading towards their respective classes. Gurpreet sighed, thinking, trying to decide whether he should accept the offer.
"Gurpreet!" it was a female voice, it came from behind him. He turned around and saw Sidhak standing there, smiling at him.
"Oh, uh, hi," he mumbled, slightly embarrassed.
"How are you?" she asked, the concern expressed in her voice and on her face was genuine.
Michael wasn't sure, but from the way she was behaving, guessed that Sidhak was Gurpreet's sister.
"I'm ok," Gurpreet attempted to feign a carefree attitude. "I'm doing good. Um, how are you?"
"Just fine. It's good to see you. I'm just heading to class."
"Oh, okay."
"Here, this is for you," Sidhak took his hand in hers. He felt the warmth and softness of her hand. She placed something in his hand and then turned and left, blending in with the passing crowd of students. "Take care of yourself."
He looked down at the soft pink cloth and knew it was a gutka that had come into his hands.
Later, alone in his apartment, he sat on the floor with his head covered with a large bandana. A mix and swirl of emotions, it was all he could do to keep back his tears. Angst and fear and loneliness all vied for top spot in his consciousness. A deep sadness, depression, and a huge disconnect that left a gaping hole in his heart. He didn't know who he was. He felt lost. With all these conflicting thoughts and feelings, he slowly opened the gutka and began reading.
Megan stood under the awning among the small group of people, head bowed, quietly waiting. Rain had started, and the sound of gently falling raindrops sounded like a symphony of nature.
The group began a slow meditation, which began quiet as a whisper, and slowly, gradually became a strong recitation. Vaheguroo! Vaheguroo! Vaheguroo! Megan was meditating. Her voice and ears and thoughts were filled with the recitation. The whisper grew in intensity until it was a deep yearning emanating from her aching heart. She didn't want to wait any longer.
Finally, the appointed time had arrived. She looked up expectantly at the giant double-doors that they were all standing in front of. Slowly, very slowly, they began to open.
Megan felt her heart skip a beat, and then began thundering in her chest. She glanced to the side, beyond the small group she was in, where Sidhak was standing, a glowing smile upon her face. She was there to support her, and she gave a small nod. Megan took a deep breath, and began moving with the crowd into the Gurudwara, where she was entering for the last time as Megan Anderson, and would be coming out transformed into Megan Kaur.
~
The End