Metamorphosis: Episode 8
Another Path
Gurpreet looked up at the clock on the wall nervously. He had only thirty minutes left. The midterm examination was going to be over within the next half hour, and he hadn't completely answered any of the questions yet. Each question required him to show his work, explain his reasoning, and demonstrate how he had derived the respective equations that he would use to solve the problem. It was very involved. There was a lot of math. And he had to exhibit sound reasoning and appropriate logic. It was exhausting and painful. He was struggling. He furrowed his brows and tried to concentrate, but his mind kept hitting a brick wall and refusing to cooperate with him. He sighed and looked up at the clock again. Twenty eight minutes left.
A few feet away sat Michael Nesmith, scribbling away. Apparently, he had a lot to write. He was using a pencil. He would write, write, write, then use the eraser and erase an entire paragraph, then repeat the process. Gurpreet glanced down at his scant three lines and the vast amount of white space on the answer sheet. He sensed that he was in real trouble with this midterm.
"I can't fail this course!" he thought to himself in a panic. "Okay, come on, think!"
He redoubled his efforts. He tried to focus, he tried to hold his mind steady. He read the question and then read it again. It seemed vaguely familiar. Where had he seen this language before? He tried to remember. Was it during a lecture? Maybe some notes that he had copied from Michael? Or, was it a past homework assignment? He sort of recalled working through a similar problem before, or was it the same one? As he sat staring at it, the foggy haze slowly lifted and he remembered that it was indeed a homework assignment. He continued writing, kept his pen moving, and eventually it became clear how to derive the needed equation. Like a lens finally coming into focus, he could see the solution. It was an eureka moment. Smiling, he hastily wrote out the last few lines and calculated the answer. Finally, it seemed that things had clicked, the gears were moving, and his mind was active and engaged. A quick glance at the clock revealed that he only had seventeen more minutes. He turned the page and continued working on the next question. He didn't want to waste any more time.
When the results came in, they were not good. He had managed to achieve a grade of C- in his midterm examination. And he was lagging behind in completing his homework assignments. All the long nights of partying and drinking were finally catching up with him. He was under pressure to catch up and perform. He was behind the rest of the class. He wondered out loud about his fate to Lee, who merely shrugged it off and took another swig of beer. "You could always work as a bank teller," he suggested, "they don't require a college degree. Work your way up to branch manager, then district manager. Twenty years later, you're a big shot with an expensive Mercedes."
Gurpreet wasn't sure this was an ideal route to take in his life. It seemed that Lee didn't have an answer that provided much comfort. Still, he was a good drinking buddy, and his cavalier, almost aloof manner was oddly reassuring for Gurpreet. They would go out almost every night to drink.
Not long after Gurpreet had received his grade for the midterm exam, the instructor asked to speak with him. It wasn't a long conversation, just a few terse words from the instructor. Gurpreet was lagging behind the rest of the class, he said, and at this rate, he would not achieve a passing grade. He still had time to improve his performance, but he would have to exhibit extraordinary commitment and focus for the remainder of the semester. Gurpreet nodded in silence as the instructor explained his situation. He felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, as if he was less qualified than the rest of the students, less worthy of the accolade of a passing grade. When the instructor had finished talking, Gurpreet mumbled an acknowledgment and left the room feeling even more despondent than before.
He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and stared at the floor as he walked out into the hallway. In front of him, he saw Michael Nesmith consulting his phone.
"Hey Michael," Gurpreet said all of a sudden.
Michael looked up, that brief moment of confusion registered on his face, and then he smiled as he recognized Gurpreet.
"It's still taking some time to recognize your new look," he admitted. "How are you?"
"Doing alright," Gurpreet replied, "Hey is your Friday thing still going on?"
"The Friday night sermons? Oh yea, they're really popular, it's always a full house. You interested in coming?"
"You know what, I am," said Gurpreet. "I will come. What time is it at?"
"7 o'clock," a knowing smile came over Michael's features, "it's walking distance from campus. I'll text you the address, what's your number?"
Gurpreet gave Michael his phone number, and he immediately text messaged the Church address to Gurpreet.
"I'll see you on Friday," said Michael warmly, and then it was time for him to head to his next class.
Later, after classes were over, Gurpreet went back to his apartment to sleep. He didn't feel like doing anything else. He just wanted to lose himself in sleep and drift into oblivion for the next couple of hours, to escape from his situation and how depressed he felt about it.
He drifted off into an enticing slumber, only to be interrupted an hour later by his phone ringing by his bedside. Irritated at having been woken up prematurely, he answered the phone with a curt, "Yes?"
"Hey buddy," it was Lee, "I didn't see you at Togo's today."
Togo's was a small restaurant just across from the University campus where they would meet after classes every day, have nacho's and other snacks, and then head out to the bars and pubs where they could drink. It had become a daily ritual for both of them.
"Oh, I came home," said Gurpreet, yawning, "I was exhausted. I think I'll skip it today, you go ahead."
"Okay, but you're gonna miss out."
"Hey, I wanted to ask you something."
"Yea? Shoot."
"You wanna go to this thing on Friday, Michael invited me."
"What kind of thing?" Lee asked cautiously.
"It's a Church thing, they're calling it Friday night sermons."
"No way!" Lee laughed, "I told you man, religion is a disease. No way am I getting trapped in that, and neither should you. I mean, you barely got out!"
A few days later, Gurpreet found himself again on the steps of the Church where pastor Levin would be delivering the Friday night sermon. He had come alone, but unlike the last time he was here, there was no hesitation. He walked in and found Michael and they sat down together to listen to the sermon. Pastor Levin welcomed everyone warmly, and they said a short prayer before beginning the service. The pastor talked about love and commitment, about community and a sense of belonging. He explained that without a community of peers, a person tends to feel lost and alone, adrift in a world full of sin, which was very much like being adrift alone in the vast ocean. Gurpreet felt he could relate to what the pastor was explaining. He listened intently, and felt feelings of hope stirring within him.
At the end of the service, everyone rose and went around the room hugging each other. Gurpreet felt emotions well up inside him as all these strangers, young and old, came up to him, gave him loving smiles, and then hugged him gently. They all seemed to know that he was a new face, and some of them even told him, "Welcome," as they hugged him. The waves of emotion bubbled up to the surface, and after the sixth or seventh hug, Gurpreet couldn't hold them back anymore. Tears started streaming down his face. He was overwhelmed by the love he was receiving. He didn't think he had been hugged so many times and so lovingly in his entire life.
After the service was over, the decibel level in the Church hall steadily rose as people began to engage in conversation. A few people came up to Gurpreet to introduce themselves. One person asked him if he had accepted Jesus into his life. It was an unexpected question and it took Gurpreet by complete surprise.
"No!" he blurted out, without thinking. And then, he shook his head, "No, I mean, I haven't."
Gurpreet left the Church that night with mixed feelings. He had found comfort and a sense of peace, but he also felt a certain deep sadness that he couldn't quite put his finger on. It was not the same depression as he was feeling due to his poor performance in his studies. This was something else. It felt like something different, something deeper. He didn't know what it was, or where it had came from. But the visit to the Church had brought it to the surface, whereas in the past he had successfully buried it in the subterranean depths of his psyche and numbed himself with alcohol. But now, here was this deep sadness, staring him in the face. And he had to face it. And on top of everything else he was feeling and experiencing, it was just a terrible thing to have to deal with right now. He wished he was not him, but someone else.